Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
