either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
