Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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