Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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