my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
