This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
