had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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