how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
