I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
