I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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