Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
