i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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