I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
