just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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