i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
