My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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