The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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