Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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