so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
