I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize