Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
