Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
