There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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