Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
