love makes seman taste better
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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