Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
