mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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