Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
