just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
