Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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