The maid of honor just puked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
