Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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