I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
