I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
