yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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