I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
