Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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