Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sex in a hospital.. check
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
