Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
