last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
