Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
