I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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