Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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