Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
God I need to hump something, right now.
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