the condom got lost in my hair
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
