Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
