Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
