grandma shit on top of the toilet
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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