So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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