She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
True college students do jello shots in the library
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
