i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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