...so i touched it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
