dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
