My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
