guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you didnt know i had herpes?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
