Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
PANTIES FOUND
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