Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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