He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
