what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
